


Wildflowers

by angelwing



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, I can't add many tags to this or it'll spoil the story, M/M, Post-Series, Starts with RickRen ends with SiRen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 16:46:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3985489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelwing/pseuds/angelwing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Kieren's birthday and Rick takes him somewhere special to celebrate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wildflowers

There was silence all around. And darkness. A thick, overwhelming darkness that caught in Kieren’s lungs as if he had swallowed tar, choking and suffocating him. But he didn’t need to breathe. Not anymore.

Then the darkness moved, swirled and writhed all around him. Bright light began to pour through. It was blinding at first, overwhelming, overpowering Kieren’s entire vision. He winced, squinted, almost wanted to look away but found himself unable to. And before his very eyes, shapes began to form in the brightness. The ground beneath him took shape, and around his feet sprouted golden poppies. They began to spread rapidly, until all around him, as far as his eyes could see, golden flowers painted the field of bright green that had sprung up. Above him the sky had taken form as well, light pink, soft and warm and the color of a cherry blossom.

The field of flowers was endless, stretching into oblivion, into eternity, in every direction. And somehow Kieren felt at the center of it all, like every blossom, every pedal, was placed strategically so that they perfectly encompassed him. He was at the center of eternity.

“Nice, huh?”

A voice rang out. Kieren had not even noticed the silence around him until it was broken, and he turned. His eyes went wide at what he saw, _who_ he saw, but he did not move, unable to bring himself to disrupt the incredible balance between him and the rest of the flowery universe.

“Wanted to take you somewhere really special.”

There was Rick, walking towards him, and he was whole and complete, there were no scars, no limp, just Rick, as he had always been. His cheeks were flushed with life and his hazel eyes were bright, the golden flowers causing them to sparkle as the poppies danced in their reflection. “I was gonna take you to the den, but… well, I was worried it might be a bit too bittersweet of a location now. So I brought you someplace I thought you might want to paint or something.”

Kieren took a deep breath. It was the first breath he had taken since he had arrived here, since the thick blackness had been overpowered by the brightness that had formed this world. Fresh, cool air rushed to his lungs, clearing them and filling them, life flooding through his veins. He didn’t feel dead here. Life itself seemed to fill the air, surrounding them both, enveloping them in it.

“It’s lovely, Rick. Really is.” Kieren said. Somehow, even after the great breath of life he had just taken, his words sounded breathless.

Rick walked over now, approaching slowly. The flowers, Kieren noticed, were not crushed beneath his feet (which was unavoidable. They covered the ground like a blanket, it was impossible to move even a footstep without stepping on them), but instantly sprang back to life behind him. He made it to Kieren and reached out, his hand, large and strong and so, so familiar, gently cupped the other boy’s face, his fingers, warm and just a bit calloused, resting gently on his cheek.

He smiled a bit, his eyes resting on Kieren’s, and Kieren found himself locked in the gaze, barely even capable of breathing (he didn’t have to, part of his mind, a part that he was paying no heed to, reminded him gently. He didn’t have to breathe).

“Happy birthday, Ren.”

Kieren was snapped from his trance as Rick spoke, cutting through the perfect quiet once more. But he smiled, closing his eyes, long lashes resting on his cheeks. They were just as golden as the poppies that surrounded them.

Then Rick’s fingers left Kieren’s cheek and found his hand, and gently took it in his own, holding it so lightly, so delicately, like he was made of glass or diamonds. Kieren’s eyes, chocolate brown and so big, opened once more. Rick breathed a sigh. His own eyes rested on the ground.

“Sorry I haven’t been there much, Ren. Can’t do much from where I am. Think about you every day, though.” He let out a little, soft laugh.

“It’s fine, Rick.” Kieren shook his head. He knew that laugh, knew these mannerisms better than even his own. He knew Rick like his favorite song, like his favorite painting. Hoping to comfort him, to do away with the slight sadness he could detect in Rick’s tone and actions, he said, “I’m just glad you’re here now.”

How long had it been since he had last seen Rick? Kieren couldn’t remember. Time felt nonexistent here. The sky was unchanging, never becoming darker or lighter, always that same shade of pastel pink. There was no death, no end, no past or future to speak of. Just the two of them, alone, standing in the endless golden sea. “You’re my best mate. I just like spending time with you, no matter how much time it is.” Kieren said.

Rick grinned. His smile, Kieren thought, was brighter than every flower in the entire field. Then he gave Kieren’s hand a squeeze. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“‘Course I am.” Kieren smiled. The hand not in Rick’s felt empty, hanging awkwardly at his side, so he reached out, fingers resting on the hem of the leather jacket that Rick wore. It was cool and smooth against the tips of his fingers. “I owe it t’you.”

Rick shook his head at that. “Not really. Yer smart, y’can take care of yerself.” He shrugged, then sat down on the ground, just like that. The poppies seemed to move aside for him, giving him a space to sit so that they were not crushed, and he gave Kieren’s hand a gentle tug. Kieren watched him for a moment before understanding, and he sat down beside him.

“You remember that time,” Rick began, and a smile formed on his lips once more, “back when we were… I dunno, maybe thirteen? And we got lost in the woods? Like, literally lost?” He shook his head, a grin wide on his face at the memory.

Kieren could feel himself beginning to grin as well. He leaned against Rick, pressing into his shoulder. Rick was sturdier than he was, larger and stronger. He felt safe when against him. “I remember what _you_ did.”

“Started crying.”

“Yep. Told me y’thought we were gonna starve to death.” Kieren gave Rick a teasing shove. Rick shoved him back. Rick was stronger than Kieren was, and Kieren had been putting most of his weight on Rick, so the shove caught him by surprise and with a soft gasp he was knocked over.

The flowers seemed to catch him as he landed on them. The pedals felt soft against his skin, and he felt like he could sink into them, lay there forever, on the great cushion of golden poppies. He did just that, rolling onto his back, laying beside Rick and looking up at him with a grin on his face and his own eyes sparkling with delight.

“I started crying like a baby,” Rick finally continued his story. Kieren didn’t miss the slight heat that rose on Rick’s cheeks, the way his face reddened just a bit. “But _you_ didn’t. Told me that we’d find a way out, that we weren’t that far, that even if we were stuck out here we’d be okay-”

“-Because at least we had each other.” Kieren interrupted, finishing the story. He reached out to Rick and grabbed him by the wrist, giving him a slight tug towards where he lay. Rick’s turn to follow, he laid down beside Kieren, rolling onto his side to watch him.

Then Rick let out a soft hum. His hand wriggled free of Kieren’s grip and instead took his hand once more. He stared at their hands. His brow twitched, almost furrowing, almost, for a split second, looking upset. “Y’never needed me, Ren.”

Kieren sat up on his elbows. “You were the most important person in the whole world to me, Rick.” Why the past tense? part of his mind seemed to ask. Rick was here, in front of him, speaking with him, wasn’t he? He was still the most important person. He was still his best mate. “I… I really loved you.” Loved. Why _loved_?

Time didn’t matter here. No past. No future. No pain or sadness or anything. Just the sparkling gold and rosy pink and Rick, laying beside him.

“Loved you too,” was Rick’s quiet reply. But there wasn’t sadness in his tone. Kieren would’ve heard if there was sadness. “Still do. Love you more than anything else.” A pause. Kieren didn’t know if a second or a century passed. The silence around them was beginning to feel less tranquil and more maddening as time, neverending but nonexistent, rushed by. Then Rick added softly, “I mean… you’re my best mate.”

Kieren nodded. He gazed at Rick for a long time at that, admiring him, eyes wandering over every single inch of him. He knew all of him so well, knew his expressions, his eyes, his shoulders, the shape of his body, every curve, every edge. “Mine too, Rick.” he agreed softly. “You’ll always be my best mate. No one can ever replace you.”

Rick’s hand was still on Kieren’s. He was still on his side. He was staring at Kieren’s face, but avoided his eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. Kieren was not sure he would have heard it if the world they were in was not engulfed in silence like it was.

“He’s lucky t’have you.”

Kieren didn’t understand for a moment. Because time was at a standstill, worries and fears and regrets were all gone. But there were memories, very vaguely, deep, deep in Kieren’s mind. A confession by the fireside, a heated kiss, a bullet that was meant for him… He blinked, his brow furrowing just a bit with confusion, with an inability to fully understand Rick’s words and the connections he was beginning to form.

It was Rick’s turn to notice Kieren’s change of expression, to read the look on his face and understand. He smiled. It was a warm, comforting smile. His hand squeezed Kieren’s gently once more and he said, “‘It’s okay, Ren. I’m not upset or anything. I’m just glad yer with someone who really cares is all.”

“ _You_ really cared.” Another memory. A terrible one. Kieren could not really remember, could not picture anything, could only _feel_. Could feel the pain, the loss, the terror as everything happened again, for a second time that was just as painful as the first. He could feel the cold blade, the cold, dead flesh beneath his fingers, could feel the fury and the agony that rushed through him. Suddenly, Kieren let out a sob and sat up in an instant. He grabbed himself, hugged himself, felt the ghost of terrible pain on the underside of his forearms.

But there were no scars.

Why would there be?

Kieren couldn’t remember. He sobbed again, clutched his own knees, bringing them close to his chest. “ _You_ really cared,” he repeated again. “And he- he- _you_ -”

Strong arms wrapped around him. Kieren’s body went willingly as he was pulled into Rick, pressing into his chest, allowing himself to be brought into his lap. He was warm and so familiar, Kieren knew the feeling of being in Rick’s arms better than any other in the world. Rick said nothing and Kieren said nothing and for a long time they remained like that, alone in the vast universe of gold.

Then Rick sighed. His voice quiet, his lips so close to Kieren’s ear that Kieren could almost feel them brush against it as he spoke, he said, “I didn’t mean t’make you upset, Ren.”

“N- No, you didn’t.” Kieren’s voice was even quieter than Rick’s, barely even above a whisper. “It’s just… hard. Losing you… it was the hardest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Rick nodded. He squeezed Kieren, strong arms wrapping around him and hugging him tight. “Y’didn’t really lose me, though. I’d’ve thought you of all people would know that death doesn’t mean a permanent goodbye.” He reached up to run a hand gently through Kieren’s hair, petting the soft strands of golden red. Kieren closed his eyes and rested his head on Rick’s shoulder. “And besides, I’m here right now, aren’t I? It’s yer birthday, the least y’could do is stop crying and try to actually have a good time with yer best mate.”

There was more to their relationship than that. More to them. But the rest of their feelings were unspoken. Nothing else had to be said. Rick understood, Kieren understood, and the world around them, a sea of gold poppies and bright green foliage, was completely quiet and perfectly still.

Kieren sniffled softly. He sat up a bit. He was still in Rick’s lap, and he turned to face him, swung a leg over to make the position a bit more comfortable so that he was straddling him. He gazed into Rick’s eyes for another moment. He could see his own reflection in them. Rick leaned in and kissed him then, very gently, on the cheek.

“Have a great birthday, alright, Ren? Do something special.” Rick said. He shoved him gently, teasingly, and laughed a bit. “Don’t spend all day laying around or something dull like that. Have a nice time. Y’deserve it. I want you to be happy, okay?”

Kieren nodded. “I am happy.” he promised. And he reached up to gently wipe the tears that had formed in his eyes to prove it, a small smile twitching onto his lips. “Especially when I’m with you, like this. Being with you is the happiest feeling in the world.”

Darkness.

For a second time, Kieren was plunged into darkness. And everything was gone. Rick was gone. The flowers were gone. The world around him was dark, and Kieren looked around, trying to figure out where he was, what was going on. His head spun and his breathing was ragged, but no air came to his lungs. He didn’t need to breathe. He had no reason to breathe. His lungs were dead in his chest, his heart hadn’t needed oxygen in years.

Slowly, his eyes adjusted. He could make out shapes around him. He could see a door, partially open. There was a vanity. If he sat up a bit he could have seen his reflection in its mirror, but he didn’t, couldn’t bring himself to. To the right was a window. It was covered by an old curtain, but he could see the traces of sunlight seeping through.

He sat up just enough to reach over and open the curtain. The sky above him was still mostly dark. The sun was just barely beginning to rise. Ribbons of pink were beginning to form as a new day began.

A hand reached out and gently touched his shoulder.

Kieren turned. There was Simon, eyes half lidded, dark hair tousled with sleep. He had a curious and slightly concerned look on his face, and the combination of his accent and pure tiredness slurred his words terribly as he tried to speak. Kieren found it a bit endearing. “Y’okay, Kier? ‘T’s just barely sunrise.”

“Can’t sleep.”

Simon sighed and sat up, clearly giving up on trying to go back to sleep for the time being. “What woke you?” he asked. He made a very vague beckoning motion that Kieren understood. Kieren was just beginning to understand Simon, to understand his expressions and his gestures. He crawled over and sat down beside him.

“Had a dream.”

“‘Bout what?”

“Rick.” Kieren’s teeth sunk into his own lower lip, but he hardly felt it. His senses were dulled, his nerves mostly dead. He could hardly even feel Simon, who was pressing against him, wrapping an arm around him almost protectively now. Dreams about Rick usually were nightmares, usually ended in him sitting up crying or panicking. “It wasn’t a bad dream.”

Simon nodded at that and his eyebrows rose a bit in surprise. “Well… that’s good, then.” he sounded awkward, like he wasn’t sure what to say or how to comfort Kieren in this scenario, like he wasn’t even entirely sure if Kieren needed comforting. Kieren smiled a bit, appreciating the attempt and finding it a bit amusing, and he turned to kiss the side of Simon’s mouth.

“Today’s my birthday,” Kieren said now. If he had been alive, if he aged properly, he would have been a year older today.

Simon’s eyes were suddenly wide. “Happy birthday!” He gave Kieren a squeeze and Kieren grinned, pressing back against him. “How do you want to celebrate, love?” He kissed the top of his head, and Kieren laughed and nudged him. He couldn’t really shove Simon, felt a bit odd doing so, because Simon was older than him and messing around like they were both teenage boys was a bit weird, but he could give him a few playful nudges.

Kieren then took a moment to take the question into consideration. Leaning to rest against Simon’s shoulder, he went silent, lost in thought. Then he turned and smiled. “I’ve an idea for a painting I’d like to do.” he said. “I want to go out and buy some gold paint.”

- _end_

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really have much to say about this and tbh a lot of it is open to interpretation. I wrote it in single day - it's a story I've wanted to tell for awhile now but I really didn't know how so I thought I'd just get it over with. I edited it myself but I have someone who will be betaing it in the near future so if you notice any small errors they will hopefully be removed soon. Anyway, enjoy! If you like what you read reviews are always appreciated! xx
> 
> (I haven't written a readable sad fanfic in forever haha.. call this practice for the upcoming "write the saddest fanfic you possibly can" project I've signed up for...)


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